Without further adieu... today's blog post is about people you don't know coming to your house and expecting you to open the door to them. I mean, really? Have they not heard of stranger danger or that it's rude to show up without being invited, or even being an acquaintance of that person? Here's what happened:
I was calmly putting my brunch (ok, my pile of fat and cholesterol) on my plate when I hear someone knocking on the door. I start to head in there, when I realize that 1) this extremely rude person just showed up without an invitation, 2) my steaming tower of pancakes is getting cold while I stand there and think about this, and 3) my dog is not running crazily into the living room to happily greet whomever is standing on my porch. I know that a normal person would have already been answering the door by that time, but, let's face it... I'm the type of person who would take a vacation in an insane asylum just to watch and make fun of all the weirdos in there especially if it was a FREE vacation! So, when my dog didn't come tearing into the house to meet our lovely guest or possible psychopath, I became a little concerned.
Very stealthily, I dropped to my hands and knees, which is AMAZING for a girl my size. Then, I army crawled over to the door and attempted to jump to my feet as quietly as possible. Picture it... fat girl trying to jump up off the floor. Let's just say that eventually, I gave up and just stood up and let me tell ya, that was no easy feat when you are trying to be quiet! So, I finally, make it up and I peek out the window to see if I recognize the car. After realizing that it was an unknown vehicle as well, I plastered myself agains the front door and decided to wait them out, the whole time thinking of my pancakes getting colder by the minute.
After what seemed like an eternity and having listened to the stranger knock on the door 3 separate times (who waits that long?), they finally stomped off to their car. That's when I realized my future calling as an undercover agent or in other words a SPY! Without being seen, I peeked out the window and watched as the very large, very football player lookingish woman stalked back to her vehicle. By this point, I was tempted to throw open the door, grab the nearest object, and run at her like a scary person to see if they would run for their lives ( I know it sounds crazy, but, it's summer and this is the most exciting thing that has happened to this poor little schoolteacher so far). Realizing that this would make me actually have to talk to the person if they didn't run and that it might cause them to call the police in order to accuse me of attempted assault, and that my pancakes were probably stone cold by now, I decided to stay in my snooping porch and see what they would do.
I wish I could say they did something so exciting and crazy I wouldn't even be able to write about it but, all she did was sit in her car for five minutes. Didn't even text. Isn't there some kind of unspoken rule that if someone doesn't answer their door, you are required to leave immediately and not sit outside their house in your car like a psycho crazy stalker person? I don't know, maybe those are just the rules I make up for the invisible world in my head. Anyway, she finally left. I returned to my pancakes with my mouth watering only to find that they had indeed gone stone cold and all thanks to some stupid person who came to my house uninvited which leads us to today's helpful hint:
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