Living with Endometriosis

This summer, after having a very unexpected surgery, I was diagnosed with endometriosis. Needless to say, I wasn't very happy at the thought of future surgeries but was thrilled that it wasn't life threatening. I immediately started researching and found a ton of info that said I should become a vegetarian. I don't know about you all, but I'm not the biggest fan of eating fresh vegetables. I will eat an apple or peach, grapes, etc but am very picky and don't eat them nearly enough. So, the more I thought about the benefits I would have of becoming a vegetarian, the more anti-veggie I became. What can I say… I love to eat hamburgers, tequilas, chicken….if it comes from an animal, I would probably eat it. 

One day, one of my student's parents invited me to a healthy living party.  I would like to say that I went the first time she invited me, but it wasn't until I was invited the fourth time that I actually felt guilty enough to go.  I told my mom and since she is the best mother ever, she went with me.  I was pleasantly surprised.  It hit home at once.  I jumped on the bandwagon and ordered some Juice Plus for myself and my husband.  Now, I can't say that I was able to notice a difference right away…I didn't. My husband, however, did notice changes. He had suffered from a mental fog (as he called it) that kept him from remembering things that he does daily, and wasn't remembering things.  He's always had poor circulation in his hands and feet.  He also suffers from depression.  Since he started taking Juice Plus, he said that the mental fog has gone away.  He can remember things and his hands and feet aren't freezing all the time anymore.  I've noticed his attitude is 100% better.  I guess fruits and veggies do help us have a better outlook on life.

It has taken me  a lot longer to notice changes.  I had been bleeding for 4 weeks and it wasn't until I started taking my Juice Plus faithfully (like I was supposed to) that I noticed changes.  My bleeding stopped.  The chronic pain I would feel daily in my abdominal area was gone.  I went to the doctor and was supposed to receive a new subscription for my meds (higher- AAAGGHHH) and they didn't change any of them.  I sleep better at night, my memory is improving, and I have way more energy.  

I can't say that Juice Plus will cure my endometriosis but I can say it seems to be helping.  I hope you will give it a try and attend a Healthy Living Party near you!

Poop Problems? Help is on the way!

Have you ever had one of those days where going to the bathroom is just not an enjoyable experience?  Unfortunately, I have to say that I have.  Some days, it's like this (luckily, I was able to find all these pictures on the internet thanks to yahoo images):

I know you know what I'm talking about!  Those days when it just seems like a faucet that is never going to shut off.  Then the smell hits and not only do you have to suffer through legs falling asleep from sitting so long, cheeks that burn from getting chapped by all the liquid, but now the stench wafting around the air is enough to set you off from the other end!  

Then there are those days when you practically need a slide rule (as my father says) to work out that dry, crusty brown log that doesn't seem to want to leave its warm home.  Thankfully, that doesn't happen every day in my case either.

Of course, we all hope and dream that every day will just be a regular pooping day- one where we don't spend an hour in the bathroom due to pooping issues.  

If you suffer from any of these conditions... your colon might look like this:

I think that most of us would prefer that our colon look like the one on the right.  You know a lil bit of poop piling up, staying nice and moist (but not too moist, right?) and when it's time, it slides right out with minimal residue left behind.  On the other hand, the picture of the colon on the left is probably what most of America's colon looks like- scary isn't it!  I'm pretty sure that is what my colon looks like. Nice and moist at the top (with an excessive amount due to all the "crap" I eat everyday (lets just say I'm not getting my 7 to 13 daily servings of fruits and veggies- are you?  Anyway, then we work down into the hard, crusty, impacted poop log that can't find his way into it's watery grave.  Just looking at this makes me want to take a laxative!

Luckily....

I recently discovered a great product!  Not only does it help regulate our colon issues without taking laxatives and other over the counter products that put a lot of other junk into our bodies, but it helps all parts of our body by helping us to get our daily 7 to 13 servings of fruits and veggies that we should be eating every day.  

I don't know about you, but I have never had that many servings of fruits and veggies.  I just figured that I needed to take a vitamin or multi-vitamin to make up for all the fast food I was eating.  Then I learned that vitamins really aren't that great for you after all.  I mean they only take a few minerals and vitamins from fruits and veggies not all of them.  An apple alone has 10,000 different vitamins and minerals that our bodies need.  Luckily, this new product, hasn't picked and chosen from the vitamins and minerals apples and other fruits and veggies provide.  They take all of them and put them into a little capsue (food in a capsule, fruits and veggies in a capsule) or a chewable that tastes just like a fruit snack.  

You're probably wondering what product is she talking about?  Well, it's Juice Plus+!  It's great, they have capsules, chewables, smoothie mixes and they all taste great!  Not mention that fact that even though it's not meant for weight loss, after dropping all that poop that has built up in your colon, you're probably going to lose a few pounds!  

All I can say is, don't wait until you have a blocked intesting or a ruptured intestine to look up Juice Plus+.  Be smart and help your colon out by locating a distributor in your area!

Good night and happy pooping!

Another 4 years in the crapper...thanks a lot!

Yesterday morning when I woke up, I had hope for the future.  However, after watching the news last night, all I can say is that all that hope has been flushed down the crapper! Shame on you America for believing the words of a man who is ashamed of our country, and has done nothing for the last 4 years but take it on a path to communism!  If you were actually stupid enough to vote for Obama, I hope you still feel that way after you end up jobless, homeless, and have to watch your children's future go down the drain.

Way to go, America!  You just signed our country's death sentence!

Make an Idiot of Myself? Who...Me?

Today I learned a very important lesson.  The lesson was:  I too, can make an idiot of myself and when I do, it is done like no other.  Here's what happened.  Due to my being a crazy, weird, goofy person, I enjoy grossing out my sister with random things in everyday conversation.  Normally, the word "colon" is enough to gross the poor girl out but today, I felt that the grossness factor needed to be taken up a notch to "hemorrhoids."  I had talked to my sister on the phone this morning so I decided to text her instead.  I pulled up the message, hit "reply," and typed: "When you have hemorrhoids does it feel like you have a round ball stuck in your butt?"  I know... you don't even have to say it.  I'm sick and twisted.  I've already been told that before.  So the reply was:  "No, mine just normally itch or burn."  That was when I decided to bring it home and try to make her laugh so, I typed:  "Oh.  I guess it's just a whopper or something stuck up there."  I was busting up laughing while my dog looked at me with utter disgust.  The phone dinged and I opened the message.  "I think you better get that checked out!"  After reading it and laughing, my eyes strayed up to where it shows who was replying to my text.  I stared at the phone trying to feel horrified (I often have a hard time feeling bad or embarrassed about the things I do) but only was able to laugh.  I had been talking to one of my best friends whose name started with the same letter as my sister.  So.. for all those of you out there who like to pull pranks or jokes through texts, all I have to say is:  Always double check and make sure you sending the text to the right person!

Sad, Sad Signs

All I have to say is.... people really need to think about what they put on a sign and then check them frequently!

Need I say more?

What Am I, Flypaper For Morons?

I wasn't going to post today because... let's face it.  I don't really have anything helpful or interesting happening in my life today (or ever) and I'm kind of a boring person.  But then, when you least expect it, something just drops out of the sky like a big pile of bird crap and you just have to go with it.

Without further adieu... today's blog post is about people you don't know coming to your house and expecting you to open the door to them.  I mean, really?  Have they not heard of stranger danger or that it's rude to show up without being invited, or even being an acquaintance of that person?  Here's what happened:

I was calmly putting my brunch (ok, my pile of fat and cholesterol) on my plate when I hear someone knocking on the door.  I start to head in there, when I realize that 1) this extremely rude person just showed up without an invitation, 2) my steaming tower of pancakes is getting cold while I stand there and think about this, and 3) my dog is not running crazily into the living room to happily greet whomever is standing on my porch.  I know that a normal person would have already been answering the door by that time, but, let's face it... I'm the type of person who would take a vacation in an insane asylum just to watch and make fun of all the weirdos in there especially if it was a FREE vacation!  So, when my dog didn't come tearing into the house to meet our lovely guest or possible psychopath, I became a little concerned.

Very stealthily, I dropped to my hands and knees, which is AMAZING for a girl my size.  Then, I army crawled over to the door and attempted to jump to my feet as quietly as possible.  Picture it... fat girl trying to jump up off the floor.  Let's just say that eventually, I gave up and just stood up and let me tell ya, that was no easy feat when you are trying to be quiet!  So, I finally, make it up and I peek out the window to see if I recognize the car.  After realizing that it was an unknown vehicle as well, I plastered myself agains the front door and decided to wait them out, the whole time thinking of my pancakes getting colder by the minute.

After what seemed like an eternity and having listened to the stranger knock on the door 3 separate times (who waits that long?), they finally stomped off to their car.  That's when I realized my future calling as an undercover agent or in other words a SPY!  Without being seen, I peeked out the window and watched as the very large, very football player lookingish woman stalked back to her vehicle.  By this point, I was tempted to throw open the door, grab the nearest object, and run at her like a scary person to see if they would run for their lives ( I know it sounds crazy, but, it's summer and this is the most exciting thing that has happened to this poor little schoolteacher so far).  Realizing that this would make me actually have to talk to the person if they didn't run and that it might cause them to call the police in order to accuse me of attempted assault, and that my pancakes were probably stone cold by now, I decided to stay in my snooping porch and see what they would do.

I wish I could say they did something so exciting and crazy I wouldn't even be able to write about it but, all she did was sit in her car for five minutes.  Didn't even text.  Isn't there some kind of unspoken rule that if someone doesn't answer their door, you are required to leave immediately and not sit outside their house in your car like a psycho crazy stalker person?  I don't know, maybe those are just the rules I make up for the invisible world in my head.  Anyway, she finally left.  I returned to my pancakes with my mouth watering only to find that they had indeed gone stone cold and all thanks to some stupid person who came to my house uninvited which leads us to today's helpful hint:

Post a sign on your door that says please ring doorbell.  Then conveniently attach a tack with the pointy end sticking out so that when they ring the doorbell, they will know they are an unwanted guest and won't return.  Just make sure that you tell your friends and family NOT to ring the doorbell.  Of course, if you can't stand stupid people and strangers coming to your house, the other option would be to post a sign that says:

Fiberlicious!

Who knew fiber could be so yummy?  In the past whenever I heard the word "fiber," I would turn and run out of fear.  I mean it just sounds creepy.  Plus, I'm sure listening to old people talk about how when you get old, your colon and intestines seem to take on a mind of their own didn't help.  I just figured that when you got old, you had to buy stock in metamucil and the other fiber filled old people drinks.  However, after hitting my mid-30's, I've found that fiber can be your best friend even when you're young, especially if it comes wrapped up in a yummy looking package.

I had my first encounter with a fiber filled object a few years back when fiber one started coming out with some of their products.  I loved the granola bars but I sure didn't love the price.  Needless to say, my love affair ended very quickly.  Then just a couple of months ago, a friend introduced me once again to fiber.  It was love at first sight- or love at first taste.  She had made some cookies that were amazing and super inexpensive to make!  The bonus that set my new found love of fiber in place was that they are super easy to make and I always have the ingredients in the house.

All you need is a chocolate or a spice cake mix, a 15 oz. can of pumpkin, and a bag of chocolate chips.  Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Empty the cake mix into a sifter and sift the mix into a bowl.  Add the pumpkin and mix until you can no longer see the cake mix.  It should be smooth.  Add the bag of chocolate chips and mix together.  I'm sure if you don't want to add chocolate chips you can add dried fruit or nuts.  I just happen to be a chocaholic. Then all you have to do is put teaspoonfuls of the mixture onto a cookie sheet and bake for 12 minutes.  When they come out, remove them immediately to a cookie rack and enjoy!  They taste great with milk!

P.S.  They freeze great too- even after they have been cooked!